And the battle continues...

"Think with your heart". I said this to a friend once amidst a heated and somewhat emotional argument. To this he responded saying "That's utter rubbish .... you can't think with u r heart --- it's almost antithetical". And I wonder why this statement makes so much sense to me? Why is it that I can actually do this? Have I lost my senses? Did God make a mistake when He created me and interchanged the heart and the head?

There are 2 elements that influence us when we think. The heart and the head. "Don't let your heart rule over your head" is how the popular saying goes. But then there are times when just to understand what the other end is saying or implying and to act accordingly you need to reverse this.

The head -> Practical, realistic, cold, unfeeling. Ok, not as bad as it sounds. Pretty useful when most decisions need to be taken. It is trained to be mature but perfect for situations not involving the heart. So I can almost say that the problem domains they address are mutually exclusive. Need to decide a project team? Wondering what to tell a friend to avoid some kinda awkward situation? Need an excuse for why you cannot do something? And the head steps in.

Aah, now the heart... Soft, sentimental... may be unreasonable to a certain extent. Arguing with a close friend and he or she is upset and you are deciding what to say next? Use your heart. That means be a little soft and emotional when you are about to respond. That does not translate to being irrational. Just means keep in mind what that person means to you and the fact that you probably don't want to hurt that person with your words or actions when the other end is vulnerable. At times, depending on the situation, it may mean putting yourself in that person's shoes and looking at it from his or her perspective. This most certainly does not imply that you forget or ignore the fact that you may be upset too. But at times, when both are upset, someone needs to take the high road, and put aside his or her feelings and resolve the issue at hand, keeping the bigger picture in mind. So it really boils down to who will take the first step then. Then comes the next issue, emotions motivating you may be positive or negative. I have to admit this is a valid point. If positive, it's simple. If negative, then it helps to keep the big picture in mind.... focussing on what that person means to you. It is really okay to be a little impractical at times as long as it keeps the involved parties happy.

Then there is a third category of issues, perhaps the worst of the lot, on which both your heart and your head will try to take control and that is when the real battle begins. Your heart will say something and your head will say something completely contrary. And you are torn between the two. Do what is right (as per your head) or do what you think won't hurt the other person? Give importance to yourself or the other person involved? This situation arises only when that person means something to you. And you are caught in a dilemma, having to choose between the devil and the deep sea. Life sure isn't easy. And to complicate matters we have another entity called ego playing complete spoilsport. None of us wants to portray an image of emotional weakness. But unfortunately most of us do give it undue importance.

To resolve such issues there is no fixed algorithm then.... just do what you think is best. And make sure you do not lose what you already have.... if you treasure it of course... Keep in mind that your decision should be such that later in life you would not have to look back at this episode with regret and say "I wish..."

And the raging battle continues....